Have you ever done something
so well,
so amazing,
so flawless,
that you just broke down and cried afterward?
I have.
Only once.
It was after my IB photo exam.
I presented all my work,
all my photos,
all my projects,
and I just knew,
I knew that I did it.
That I got a 7.
After I packed everything up
and started to drive home,
I lost it.
I cried
more like - bawled.
It was quite the sight
I just felt overwhelmed
everything that I had worked towards for the past two years was over.
Done.
and I had explained everything so well.
I knew I did my best
I showed the examiner all the heart I put into each project.
and it was over.
Just like that.
When I got my results back in July, I ended up getting a 7.
Which is the highest score an IB student can receive.
I did it.
Me?
I felt the same feeling, the feeling of great accomplishment, like I had a real talent.
And so it's hard for me to describe why, after all that I've done,
after my passion for photography and creating has grown,
after starting to believe that I have some sort of skill or talent
that I am choosing to study Occupational therapy.
I know it doesn't add up.
I do know this though:
1. I love creating. I love photography. But I guess it's just not for me to pursue right now.
2. Like Joseph Smith read James 1:5 and it led him to ask which of all the sects was right, I too have been prompted to ask God.
"If any man lacks wisdom, let him ask of God"
If anyone lacks wisdom right now, it's me.
This question of who I am to become has been on my mind since the day I sat down to take that photo exam.
I've changed my mind more times than I can count.
One day it's one thing and the next, it's something else.
So I sincerely asked God.
and I've received my answer.
3. I know He's always there.
This is what I've learned thus far, in my extensive life of 22 years- sometimes (and in my case it seems like all the time) it's about the journey and not the answer. For a large part of my life, I thought I was going to do something. I prayed about it, and never really got what I felt was an answer. But I never felt a "no" either, so I continued on my merry way. When I finally got a no, I realized it hadn't come sooner because if it had, I wouldn't have taken a certain path in life and would have missed out on a lot of experiences.
ReplyDeleteAnd that thing I thought I was heading for? It was a good thing. It would have been awesome. But it was not where I was supposed to be. And I think of where my life would be if I'd followed MY plans, and that life is so much less than what I have now.
Remember that the Lord can do so much more with you than you can even begin to dream of.
The end. <3
beautiful...
ReplyDeletemaybe it's just me, but i think the same sort of soul that can see the world the way you do, artistically, is the same sort of soul who can make an incredible difference in someone's life. someone who, at the moment, can't see the beauty or the possibilities in the landscape before them.
ReplyDeletesometimes, you have paint the hope for them. i think you can do just that.
i don't think those two are mutually exclusive.
Max you're amazing! I know what you're to be too...An amazing husband and father (that is, after being an amazing missionary)! Seriously, no job or hobby or talent will ever top the love that you will have for your future wife and kids. Anything you choose will be second to those roles.
ReplyDeleteYou constantly surprise me with your creativity, your humility, and your humor! I love you Maxwell House!!!
mad max i love you so much! i knew right away when you asked me to pray with you, what you would choose. I think your personality is perfect for occupational therapy and it is really something that you will enjoy waking up every day to do.
ReplyDeleteand dont ever stop with photography. you are right, it really is an awesome talent that you have and there is no reason that you cant continue to grow and learn in that area. i love you so much and i am so proud to call you brother.